Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Michael Lloyd was arrested for Menacing in Multnomah county

Groucho Marx glasses mug shot

Michael cannot believe that he is being charged for menacing. All he was trying to do was to make sure his neighbor’s are safe. So what he was caught looking into this neighbor’s 9-year-old son’s bedroom window at 1:20 am. He was just making sure that little Jimmy was all tucked in safe and sound. Instead of being arrested, he should be make the president of the Neighbors watch association. He LOVES his neighbors and doesn’t mind staying up all hours of the night keeping an eye on them.

Michael's mail lady treated him just like anybody else who gets a pair of Groucho glasses and doesn't realize it's really not funny. Everyday she would run her mail route and Michael would be waiting for her by his mailbox. When she would pull up he would take a bite out of a pickle then say "Now that's the best tasting pickle I ever heard", she would pretend to chuckle, hand him his mail, and be on her merry way. One day Michael offered her a pickle, she said she'd love one, but what Michael pulled out of his pants wasn't a pickle, as she struggled to get her phone out of her purse to call 911 Michael left her with a memorable parting line "in the 69 my Humpty Nose will tickle your rear"... Next time he'll know to stand by someone else's mailbox...


Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump

Don't lie, we know you were doin' the Humpty Dance too!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Josh Wingate was arrested for Driving Under the Influence, Possession of Marijuana, and Possession of Narcotic Equipment in Palm Beach county

The Road Warrior Mad Max

Is it just me, or does this photo scream, “Officer please search me! I am so far different than the norm that I now boarder suspicious!” Was he hoping to get caught so that he could scream “Profiling!” ?

Josh looks like he should be the guy running from the cops, giving a cool speach like the Nightrider's
"You should see the damage, brunz. Huh? metal damage, brain damage. Huh? Are you listen brunz. I AM THE NIGHTRIDER. I'm a fuel injected suicide machine. I am the rocker, I am the roller, I am the out-of-controller! I'm the Nightrider, baby... and we ain't never comin' back!
The Toecutter - he knows who I am. I am the Nightrider! I am the chosen one. The mighty hand of vengeance, sent down to strike the unroadworthy! I'm hotter than a rollin' dice. Step right up, germ, and watch the kid lay down the rubber road, ride to freedom!" but in reality Josh got wasted drinking bathtub gin and smoking sticky-trees. Then he got the munchies, went to Taco Bell, entered the drive-thru backwards, demanded a bean burrito, and passed out... He still swears one of the cops ate his burrito!

Timothy Branham was charged with Failure to Appear for Not Having a Hunting or Fishing License in Pasco county

Ned from Bubba the Love Sponge Show mug shot

NO! NO! NO! The HillBilly Gangsta doesn’t need no fishin’ license. The HillBilly Gangsta doesn’t need no huntin’ license. All the HillBilly gangsta needs is a pot for his opossoms, a jug for his ‘shine, and the police to BACK THE HELL UP OFF HIS PROPERTY!!!!!

This man is with Ned From the Bubba The Love Sponge Show, and he refuses to get a hunting license unless he knows the money will not go to buy the Pasco county sheriff's department special blue shooting targets.

Way to Inspire the wrong people Ned...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Adam Heikkilla was charged with Forgery in Multnomah county

Struggle mugshot

It’s not that Adam is opposed to having his picture taken. He’s pissed because they just did a body cavity search and didn’t change gloves. There was no way that Adam was going to let that pig stick a shit finger in his mouth!

This is nothing more than the Multnomah county Sheriff's Department setting Adam up to look noncompliant. You stick an artsy nude photo of Rosie O'Donnell in front of anyone and they're ging to do everything in their power not to look at it.

Nude Rosie O'Donnel pics

Uuugh... I think my penis just fully retreated up into my body.

Anthony Regalado has been Arrested for Interfering with Public Transportation in Multnomah county

Cooking Asshole's brother

Anthony has a thing for 1970's porn. All he wanted to do was become his favorite character “Big Dong Red” and reenact the scene where Red commandeers the city bus and forces the driver and two female passengers perform sexual acts on him while a midget films it from the back seat. What Anthony didn’t count on was that the bus driver was a 300lb African American princess named Theta. Although not the blond like in the movie, he decided to “go with it” and demanded that Theta pull over and pleasure him. After wearing his ass out, Theta had him arrested for interfering with public transportation.

Is this Cooking Asshole's evil twin brother? For those of you who don't know the Cooking Asshole you should check out his shitty food. They're both from Portland, they both suffer from gingervitis, and neither of them work...

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Antonio Spencer Jr. was charged with Fleeing or Eluding a Law Enforcement Officer in Polk county

Rodney King mugshot

Anthony knew the minute that he caught the transfer guard unaware with a right elbow to the chin that he was loose. He even knew that when he pushed the 78 year old lady into the passenger seat of her 1983 Buick Skylark that he was home free. What he didn’t know was that the old lady just bought a hammer from the Home Depot. A couple shots to the face, and Anthony begged for a citizen's arrest.

"Can't we all just... get along?"

Lok Tut Both was Arrested for Indecent Exposure in Maricopa county

Starvin Marvin mugshot

Lok heard about how in American, the college Fraternities haze their pledges, but he still wanted to join. He was the first person from his Zimbabwe village to attend a college or even to travel to America. Now, sitting in the Maricopa county Sheriff's Department with a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup shoved in his rectum, wearing only his birthday suit, he longed for the full tribal garb, neck beads and penis shoot that always kept him covered and safe.

His name May be Lok Tut Both, but I'm calling him Starvin' Marvin! And Marvin, I don't know how they do things where you come from, but this is AMERICA! We don't let our wangs flap around in the wind here!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Jarhonda Jackson was charged with Petit Theft in Montgomery county

Pink Mugshot mug shot

Jarhonda forgot about her date and needed a new weave for this special night. It sure was nice of the police to let her take the mug shot with it on before returning it to “Yolonda’s Weave and Leave Boutique”.

You may think Jarhonda's having a bad hair day, but I like her style!

Douglas Edwards was Arrested for Non Payment of Child Support in Polk county

Boil Cyst mugshot

Douglas wanted to pay his child support, but his talking zit kept convincing him to blow all of his money at the strip club.

Holy cow! Doug you are in for an eye awakening experience. Have you ever seen one of these cysts being lanced before? It's friggin disgusting!

Good luck Dougy!
 Personally I'd rather live with the boil...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mellissa Macallister was Arrested for Drug Possession in Montgomery county

Rainbow Brite mugshot

Question: How many mushrooms did Mellissa have to eat to believe she was Rainbow Brite?
Answer: 5
Question: How many mushrooms did Mellissa have to eat before she started table dancing in White Castle?
Answer: 0... That's how she got the mushrooms.

Melissa wanted to live her life by the “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” motto.
Crazy hair-do = $30.00
having a criminal record to prove your stupidity = forever!
Oh, but having this mugshot to constantly remind you of it = PRICELESS!!!!!!

Steven Caramico was Arrested for Possessing Alcohol in a City Park in Pinellas county

he's got the crazy eyes!

The Pinellas county Sheriff's department is making a huge mistake here. If they would have just left Steve to his store brand vodka he would have eventually passed out, but they just had to take it from him. Now they've got a man who's Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs hopping around their jail...

Steven, or as his drinking buddies call him, “Strokin’ Steve” was caught with a cool, refreshing PBR in his hand at the park. Although the police arrested him for being belligerent, I think he should be allowed to partake in the sweet nectar of the Gods every time he feels down about having a stroke at such a young age. (I bet you thought he got his nickname for a whole different reason, you sick bastard!)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Daniel Cummings was charged with Child Abuse in Hillsborough county

Get in that seat!

Daniel's lost it... Since he got laid off from the plant he became Mr. Mom while his wife starting pulling doubles down at the Durndle Hooters. Being alone with 6 kids 14 waking hours of the day 7 days a week in an Airstream trailer does strange things to a man after a few months. Daniel now believes he is a mole in a whack-a-mole game... The only way to keep in his seat is to bop him on the head.

After 6 straight hours at the Nickelodeon section of the Universal Studios Amusement Park in Orlando, Daniel Just snapped on his kids. He bought the shirt, he sang the SpongeBob Squarepants songs, and he even allowed himself to be slimed, but it was the 4 hour Hannah Montana marathon that his daughter forced him to watch that finally made him snap. Look at the poor guy! Don’t arrest him; give him a cold, refreshing PBR and some adult conversation. On a side note, his daughter will get the cast off in 4-6 weeks and be as good as new.